Or maybe just surviving

Not really.

Really, if I were to think about it we are getting a lot done, we have come so far. We still have so many thing to be thankful for, it is insane really how lucky we are. We are doing fine.

Other times, like today, it seems like we are making no progress. We are behind. And life sucks. How the hell are we going to do this?

I hurt myself last week. Landed hard on one knee. It is really hard to not go check on things and trust the girls to get it done. They did though. We also had Layla’s birthday party. We really had a very busy weekend again. Do these stop? I remember in Washington that things were the same way. There was always something to be done. Same way here now. It is funny, it drove me crazy the past two years, interning and residency, knowing that all this stuff was out there waiting for me. We had this life before and we put it on hold. But just waiting for it to start up again was mind blowingly boring and frustrating. Now, we have it again. You have absolutely no idea all the things I COULD be doing right now. However, knowing when to sit down and take a break, that is an important thing. Just knowing though that there will never be a dull moment in my life again… Okay, maybe that doesn’t sound as neat as it should 🙂

Of course there are things I wish had not happened. That is why my day today is not fun. Last Thursday after potluck Gwendy let out all the baby goats. Actually turned off the fence and led them all over it. Then continued to play with them. By the time we had got them all back in they wanted no part of that. They all wanted out to play with Gwendy. So much so that they all started jumping the fence, even with it on. We have electric fence for many reasons, one is so that we can always move the goats easily to new pasture. Two is predator issues. I would hope that it would either make the predator think twice about going after them or at least make some sort of noise that would alert me that there was an issue. So the fact that they were all galloping around out of the fence was really hard for me to see. Gwendy was no help. She wanted to play with the goats. The goats love her. They wanted to play with her. We had to secretly, so the goats couldn’t see, send her inside the house. Even now so many days later, they see Gwendy they start jumping the fence. Yep. We had the lowest charger on their fence, but we are going to change it for the higher charger of the big goats.

We were going to do that also, until we notice that the babies in the adult goats were getting tangled in the fence and not caring. What had happened? The charger went out. Their fence is not working. It happened on Friday, but none of them noticed except for the babies. The adults were still giving the fence a wide berth. We figured we had a few days. Okay, I didn’t really, but there were things going on. I couldn’t walk well. Jack wanted to till and he got use of a tiller. I wanted him to mow a little. Layla’s party. Things were going to have to wait a bit. Yesterday would have been great, but then Jack got use of a bobcat to move some things about. He was only going to have it for one night. The goats were still doing alright. It was okay.

Until this morning. Yep. Natalie went to go put the goats back in and all hell broke loose. They went in and then came right back out. After dealing with this for a couple of hours I called Jack. He said to just leave them out. No use in trying to keep them in and reinforcing the idea that the fence wasn’t working. Not only that but Megan, her name was Houdina but we changed it because we were hoping that without the name she would stop escaping, also kept getting out. This was turning into a very bad morning. The kind of days I used to call closet days. You know, where you want to take a strong drink to a closet and hide away until you forget about all that you have to do. I don’t have closets anymore. As I was inside the tent in a small break in the chaos where I was trying to get school started for the day I saw our beds. I saw our beds on top of platforms and thought to myself I could fit down there. I could have an under the bed day. No one would notice I was gone for awhile. Of course, even though I have these thoughts, I never act on them. Closet days and under the bed days are days where I don’t get to stop. Sometimes it is nice to think I could, but I never do. I have already stopped writing this a few times now so go herd goats back to more appropriate grazing. They are all out. Ella Kate kept trying to get into the tent. She is actually tied out by the tent now. She is big and it is hard for us to convince her she would be happier outside the tent. Out is the great wide homestead a baby goat has already gotten lost twice. I have gone done there and put her back with the mama. The funny thing is, 27, who is my favorite because she is so mild mannered has decided to have a closet day. She is up all by her lonesome, her baby is off with the mama goat. I feel like taking her a drink and telling her to enjoy her few hours off. Okay, really I am tempted to join her with a drink and we can sob over how hard it is to be a mama. This is when I start laughing or I will go insane 🙂

Jack also ended up with a very special rash. We think it is a combination of a few things, cow parsnip and heat rash. He is healing but he was in pain, yes pain for quite a few days. I am hoping that he gets home early today. We have a list of things to do, move adult goats, carry the 80 pound battery to the tent to charge and then back again to their place. Scythe the area around where their fence is going to be, for both goat fences. Oh and it is potluck tonight. Move baby goats. Switch chargers. It is going to be fun!

It is actually the next day and I have to say we got everything done with decent time. Another reason why it will be good when Jack doesn’t have to work. The girls and I can get a lot done, really we can. We have moved the goats a few times now. When it comes to carrying the batteries that far though, well, I just can’t do it. Jack is talking about getting a solar charger just for the fences. It would be nice. It is still money though. Something we have to think about.

Sometimes it is good to overreact and feel like the world is ending. Really, it is. The next day you can look back and go, wow, I thought that was hard and it wasn’t. Maybe next time I will be able to do more/better/save the fricken world!!!! Maybe this is why Jack has the idea that he can do anything. Maybe I just need to have more days like yesterday. You don’t really grow without challenges.

And now I am becoming too philosophical. We have lived to see another day. A day where things have gone the way they are supposed to. Where the girls and I have been able to handle all that has been given to us. It is good.


3 thoughts on “Or maybe just surviving

  1. Mama

    Oh Valerie I'm sorry you're having one of those days. 😦 I fully understand the feelings of complete overwhelming stress and how it happens on those days that you have to be on task at all times. Go have a good cry and a stiff drink, it's never too early for a drink on days like those!

  2. Alline Anderson

    Hey! I didn't know you had this blog! I am so right with you! This is exactly how it felt the first few years when we were building our house and doing the zillions of other things that needed to be done. I truly thought I would go out of my mind, and I didn't even have kids (the human or goat kind!). I STILL have closet days! LOL! Every time someone mentions "simple country living" I, um, want to be…unkind. Hang in there – I think you're doing a FANTASTIC job!!!!! An amazing job! If you ever need to come over and vent, I'd love it! We'll be back at DR June 5th… big hugs!

  3. wildflowers

    It is going better. Oddly, I feel very bored today. We finished school, though will be starting up again in a week or so, but now there is like this gap in my day. It feels weird. I have actually been cleaning. There is something wrong here. Monica Natalie actually told me I had to wait until noon!! Funny, isn't it? I think she was about to go insane also. Alline I may just do that 🙂 Right now the most frustrating part is that right now there is nothing going on. And yet, there is no progress. I wish I were a builder. I have tried, but I don't have that in me. If only I could knit a house. If only…


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